Sometimes it feels like we search for the good in the bad and when the bad leaves, we’re almost afraid to touch the good in case it’s not real.
So I try to not let her overdo it because I want the good to stay.
These good days of Meg’s I don’t want to stop. I don’t want God to take them away. The thought terrifies me and I don’t understand how it can be. How can we live through countless hard days knowing God sees us through and are still afraid of them?
In Acts 20:24 Paul said, “None of these things move me, nor do I count my life dear to myself…”
I realize in moments like this, I count my life dear. Here in the good when circumstances aren’t so pressing and my need of deliverance isn’t as intense. Here where I don’t want this time to end and I want to hold on for as long as I can. Here where my feelings toward life are the opposite from when suffering and struggles mark the days.
Good becomes the best hindrance if I’m not careful. The good I seek, long for, believe I deserve, and want to believe God wants me to have – isn’t always the good God seeks to give me.
The goodness of God that has filled the last couple years hasn't came in ways I expected. There is something about God and the way we don’t understand what He gives until we accept and experience what He offers. Even the way He offers himself to us. When we taste and see, when God fills and sustains our soul, gratitude sifts through our life. We are truly able to count what is dear.
There is so much more than this life or the good in these days to hold onto. I pray for a heart to see, the wisdom to count what’s dear, and the grace to let go of my fear.