I feel uneasy leaving for Houston. I tell myself it's because we'll be on a smaller Jet Express flight, which leaves my stomach queasy at best. Then the reason can't be due to all we have going on in Houston.
I don't know how long we'll be gone, what the doctors will say, or what they'll want to do. Which may have been unnerving at one point in life, but anymore, it's just life. Meg is scheduled for tests and clinic appointments at this time.
God's been bringing the Israelites to mind the last couple days. I think about how they felt reaching the promised land and seeing it wasn't what they were expecting. The fear they felt, the problems they foresaw, their reluctance and even anger for what God brought them to.
It can be hard to see the promised land even when God's called us out of the desert and it lies beneath our feet. My thought is surely God would make this easier, have some guarantee, or make it so appealing I can't turn it down.
The truth is the promised land isn't always what we thought it would be. We see giant red flags; God sees blessings to bestow. We see toil and turmoil; God sees glory and power. We feel fear and failure; God tells us to go and do and see what he will do. God watched the Israelites drag their feet for 40 days, and was so angry he made them drag them through the desert for 40 years. Many, never made it to the promised land. They missed their chance, their calling, and let go of the life God graciously placed before them.
God doesn't stop just because we fear. He doesn't want to halt his plans due to our unbelief.
The promised land is accepting what God's lead us to. It's seeing what he's showing and laying before us, and doing our part. It's not about our comfort or fantasies we create. It's being obedient to his calling, even when it's not what we thought it would be.
What's so awesome about God is his desire for our lives will always fill more than our own. What he leads us to and yearns to give us, will meet our deepest needs. But I don't know when it ever looks like we thought it would or when we have eyes to see it's more than we ever dreamed.
It teaches me not to drag my feet. Not to fear more than trust. And take what God bestows because he gives intentionally, and offers aren't all standing.
With every step of faith, we see what God will do and his faithfulness.