When prayers are done picLast night Meg’s prayer didn’t include God fixing the bubble in her head. I couldn’t believe she failed to mention it, not when every prayer she’s said since July has had it in. I asked her if she forgot and she replied, “No. I’m done praying for it Mom. I am tired of it. God knows he can heal it if he wants to. Let someone else remind him because I’m done.”
She wasn’t upset, she wasn’t angry. She stated it simply and matter-of-factly.
Her tired eyes looked into mine, as I brushed her bangs away from her eyes. I didn’t know if she had lost hope, or if she was simply accepting the way things are. The last several days she’s been down, not wanting to play, eat or do much of anything. I cook her favorite meals in hopes of enticing her, but it fails to have any effect, lost in her gaze.
I specifically recalled the day I felt the same way, as I told God I was done praying for Him to fix my traumatic brain injury. After so many months, hopes and disappointments, and being told there are no upsides to brain damage…I had it. I stared out the living room window watching the snow blow around, thinking if God wanted me healed and back to myself, He’d do it. As the cold hearted wind blew the snow, I felt my hope fly away in it’s cold clutches.

It was also the day a new hope was born. I started believing whatever God’s plan was, He didn’t need the talents and abilities I once possessed to make it happen. Maybe all He needed was for me to be willing.

All I had to offer Meg was the reassurance it was ok. We didn’t have to pray for a miracle anymore, but we could pray for strength, and help to handle these days. Meg nodded her head in agreement and said, “I know what you mean. I can do that.”

I realized then, Meg didn’t want to be done. She just wanted to know there’s another step to take.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.     Proverbs 3:5-6