When Breathig's Not Enough PicAs Meg cries and falls to the floor like a rag doll, I take a breath and close my eyes. I’ve heard it’s supposed to be calming or cleansing, but I don’t exactly feel either. Instead the thought of running out of the house screaming came to mind.
 
Oh the lure of fantasy temptations…
 
Some dream of romance, other’s adventures, and I dream of sanity.


These days we pick our poison. Forced to choose between unhappiness and pain, trying to strike a balance that doesn’t seem to exist. Meg’s body adjusted to the lower dose of medication and now her headaches are back. Dealing with the pain all day doesn’t sit well with anyone, let alone a 5 year old. She spent most of the day propped up on the couch, not wanting to do much of anything.

I began to wonder if I’ll ever see my little girl the way she was. The one who’d twirl around with her arms outstretched, smiling with excitement filling her voice as she’d ask, “Isn’t life amazing Mama?” For her to see and enjoy the amazing in ordinary, was a gift for us all.

I shook the thoughts from my head as I rubbed her back. It does no good to dwell on what used to be, when this is what there is.

We certainly are putting God’s goodness and mercy to the test. Tired, cranky and hurting, we go day to day. While the loss is felt, experiences like these, grant depths of understanding. One day I hope to look back and see as David did, God’s goodness and mercy following me all the days of my life. Great amazing days, are wonderful and memorable. But these days are showing me the depths of His reach.

May you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is to great to understand fully. Then you may be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.     Ephesians 3:18-19