The oncoming car crossed over my lane, a few feet in front of our car, and continued to slide into the ditch. I wanted to turn back and go home. It was too late to be driving to Omaha, during a snowstorm no less. I asked Meg if her ears still sounded weird. Her confirmation confirmed our trip. There was no turning back.
This week has been a hard week. A couple times I’ve asked God if he cares. As tired as I was and with Meg sliding backward, driving to Omaha in a snowstorm in the middle of the night was right up my alley.
Earlier in the night, Meg had come out of her room asking why her music was playing weird. I wondered if the CD was skipping but found it was playing fine. I turned and told her it seemed ok. With covered ears and a frightened look, Meg asked why I wasn’t talking normal.
The whoosing sound in her ears didn’t let up.
I called Texas and talked to a doctor. They wanted Meg brought in through the ER. I told them we’d start at the hospital in Omaha. They said to have her ears checked and her brain scanned.
With Meg off in a MRI machine I was alone in the ER. It’s the last place I want to be. In the middle of the night when I’m exhausted already, makes it a really cold lonely place.
It was then when I started hurting over how good life could be.
God trimmed Gideon’s army from over 30,000 to 300 and took trumpets and pitchers to war. God took what was amazing and great and kept taking away from it again and again.
Sitting in the empty ER room, it’s what I thought about. What I see as a loss, isn’t a loss to God.
God isn’t showing me how much He doesn’t care. He’s revealing who He is and what He does. God wants me to see how great He is.
Although I can’t see the big picture, I know these are the days I’m being called to decide. If I’ll believe in who He says He is and what He does, or if I’ll only know the frustration and disappointment of loss.
We got home at 5:00 this morning. Since then Meg hasn’t been able to feel half her face, she’s spitting, and her eye doesn’t match the other. The whooshing sound continues but it’s not as bad as it was last night. We wait now to see if it will get better or worse.