I wondered where I should go get a pair of black tights. Then I wondered if I had a pair. I couldn’t remember, but I recalled looking for some last year.
As I dug through my closet, I started pulling out pair after pair. Finding the first 3 pair was awesome, it meant I didn’t have to go shopping. But it didn’t stop. Nope, I kept finding more and more. My stomach knotted realizing what I had done.
16 pairs. I had bought 16 pairs of black tights. Not all at once…that would be crazy. But different brands at different stores, in different styles.
With my memory being limited last year, I didn’t worry about remembering little things. Things that didn’t matter. Things that wouldn’t affect life too much or have drastic consequences being forgotten. It was a process to learn to decipher what’s worth remembering. It showed me how much energy is spent recalling things not worth it. Things absorbing memory when they are best left forgotten.
This was one of my best lessons, as it forced me to let go. It showed me I don’t want to remember the bad things, the hurtful things, the things causing heartache. There is so much good to hold onto. So many things worth remembering. So much that matters and makes a difference.
I’ve carried the lesson and strategy with me, even now when my memory doesn’t fail as easily. I see how it’s changed me. How much easier it is to let the bad flow through my fingers like sand, and catch what’s worth keeping. Catching everything is a surefire way to get bogged down.
While I wish no one would endure a brain injury, it has brought wisdom and insight I would have failed to obtain without it. I have a sense of what Meg is going through, because I have been behind the eyes of a blank stare myself. I know what it’s like to easily be overwhelmed and endure frustrations. To sleep and always be tired. I also know what it’s like to get better.
Instead of hating how messed up I still am, and have been, I find myself smiling. The knot in my stomach is gone, and I can’t help but laugh. I figure a girl in Nebraska could use those 16 pairs, and it feels pretty good to feel spoiled now and again. As life flows through open fingers, all what’s left is to embrace the good that remains.