left for this

discovering God's plans as life falls apart

Going through countless tragedies, I wondered where God was, and why He wouldn't show up to do something...anything. Then He did, taking me from this life. Left to live, tragedies have increased, but I'm no longer the same. I'm certain God has a plan, and He'll use what we go through, for great and mighty things. Day after day, I hold on, knowing there's a reason...I was left for this.  

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November 13, 2015

The Darkness of Entitlement

I never thought of myself as having an entitlement complex. Yet there I was holding a screaming Meg as a second iv was attempted, knowing she did nothing to deserve this. Feeling the road stretch endlessly ahead, I wondered what was going to become of us.   Houston said we could come in through their

November 9, 2015

Finding Endurance on Crazy Hard Days

Life can be crazy hard and frustrating. Meg fell to the floor crying, asking me what’s wrong with her and why can’t we fix it. I kneeled next to her, wishing as much as she did for answers. As she reaches her breaking point, it causes me to become aware of mine closing in.  

November 4, 2015

Grasping for Beauty

Evan aligned Meg under one of our trees and had her look up into it. The yellow leaves turned to red at the top of the tree. Meg told him God must use sunshine to set it on fire. Her smile quickly fell as she watched the leaves drop around her. She came to me

November 1, 2015

The Suffering Side of Love

Last night Meg announced she was going to sleep through today and wake up Monday morning and see if she felt any better.   I told her it was a marvelous idea.   Evan on the other hand, told her it couldn’t be done. She narrowed her eyes at him, stuck out her bottom lip,

October 29, 2015

A Reminder: This is not our Home

I used to assume disappointments are like excitements. After you receive so many, so often…the impact becomes minimal. But there is no numbing or normalizing qualities about disappointments, at least none I have found.   This is the newest image of Meg’s brain. The white part is the cyst, and also now, the fluid that

October 27, 2015

When Life Needs An Evacuation Route

Life should come with an evacuation plan. Feeling the storm coming, finding relief in the quickest way out of it…would feel like a life saver.   I was enjoying my Sunday evening with the kids, eating pizza, watching a movie, and planning on going to bed early. It had been a long day with Meg

October 22, 2015

The Exhaustion of Waiting

It feels like we spend a lot of time waiting. Waiting to get better, waiting to see what happens, waiting for tests, waiting for results, and waiting for life to be able to go on. Today we waited without any answers.Time passes ever so slowly while waiting. I don’t know why I can’t wait more