I slid the car into park and looked at her. Her question didn't rack my brain, it pierced my heart.
Of course you are I tell her. You're brave, courageous, and feisty as all get out. It's what your life's required and what God gives you so you can be.
As I'm talking, her eyes grow round and she lets out a wailing cry.
Not exactly the result I was going for.
Meg lists kids she's met and became friends with who are fighting some really tough battles. "They are so brave. What if I'm not? What if I can't be enough?" she asks.
It dawns on me the persistent pain in her stomach and the tests she's starting to go through probably remind her of what she's gone through with her head....she doesn't know if she can do it again. She doesn't know if she has what it takes.
Maybe doubt is hereditary...how many times have I asked the same?
Sometimes I start to fear the future then realize it's the past I'm afraid of.
I have to remind myself I'm not the same. Experience hasn't necessarily grown my faith, but seeing God's truths revealed has.
When I face these questions myself, I end up feeling hopeless, afraid, and lacking. I know how far I fall. I know I'm not enough.
Believing life's too hard or unfair to me, denies the power of the cross. I can face anything if only I believe. I don't have to rely on my capabilities and strength. In fact, I'm quite certain God sees my stubbornness where I see my own strength.
I wish there weren't so many overwhelming opportunities, to learn to see past myself and into Jesus and understand what I possess in him. Then again, I know I've needed every one. Every bombarding, upsetting, heartaching circumstance to learn dependence and what it is to abide in Him.
When I fall into the power of the cross believing Jesus is who He says, and what He's capable of, my questions are answered in Him.
I climb into the backseat and hold Meg. I tell her she never has to worry if she's enough. If she's brave, strong, or good enough, because she has Jesus living inside of her and He always is.
Her tears stop and she takes a shuddered breath, "You're right. I'm not going to try to be brave anymore...because I can be fearless."
And she smiles. Right there with tears still on her face. Hand in hand we walk toward the hospital entrance and I hear Meg quietly whisper "I'm fearless" to herself.
Abide in me and I will abide in you John 15:4