SantaI sat in the car looking at the kid’s picture with Santa, and all I could do was sigh. I wanted to smile, I wanted to laugh, but didn’t have it in me.
They both looked so sweet and adorable. Evan telling Santa he wanted a helicopter, Meg saying hay and carrots for her (stick) horse. By the looks of the picture, the perfectly planned trip to visit Santa, turned out quite well. It should have. The carefully laid plans of arriving after most everyone had left, meant a short line, fewer sick people, and kids with patience remaining.
What I didn’t plan on was Meg crying most the time.
It’s a glitch of some sort. When we stay home I wonder why we’re not out enjoying ourselves doing something. When we go out, I end up wondering why on earth we didn’t stay home. Certainly I should know better by now…
This is what makes me tired and weary. It’s not just my body, but my soul. Putting up the effort to try, then facing defeat weighs me down. I never knew I was such a poor loser.

The worst part of defeat is feeling the doubt that follows. I know God can fix things. I know He can heal Meg. What I doubt isn’t a miracle…it’s that I can keep living like this.

looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God     Hebrews 12:2

I look ahead and see suffering and hardship, struggle and strife. I wonder if things will change or get any better, and how much more we'll have to take. I try not to think about it and keep my focus on today because it's too much to take.

Jesus endured by seeing what was coming. He found clarity looking up and not out for himself. What Christ saw before him wasn’t only God, it was us. He saw a plan for God’s glory and his place in it. At times it’s so hard to fathom, we’re invited to play a role too.

We have a place in it.

We have a piece to do.

We’re asked to throw off what hinders and entangles us to better run this course. Often times I start requesting a new course, new situation, and better circumstances. I want God to make it easier if He’s asking me to run…

While I look dreadfully at my piece to do, I quickly lose sight that God handed it to me for a reason. While every day and every situation screams for my attention (sometimes literally), I have to do as Jesus did, and realize exactly what is set before me. How important it is to stay the course and not get caught up in the why’s and attempts to get out of the situation.

Holding the kids picture I let go of being angry and upset. I saw how happy they were at the time. Of course they’d transform into good and perfect children, they were sitting with Santa. I began appreciating the happiness it brought them in the middle of a hard day.