Meg's surgeon visit went like the initial one we had last summer. While she has symptoms it's not worth the risks of surgery. Since her body didn't do well on the brain pressure medication, even a low dose of it isn't an option.
I'm grateful it's not as bad as it was or can be, but the mother in me wants everything fixed. I feel the frustration build when it can't be.
God shows me we don't find deliverance from our problems, but in them.
God is always showing me He’s God. What I saw would ruin and severely complicate life, has given us life more abundantly. What I saw making life harder, gives it a sense of simplistic clarity it failed to possess before. What I hated, God allowed and I love Him more for it.
Experiencing God is nothing like I thought it would be.
I think about all the times in the Bible that make sense only because we have the whole story. How insane, messed up, and sorrowful stories would be on their own. God’s the only difference maker. His fierce love captures and enslaves us in freedom and it makes no sense and every sense because it’s pure unadulterated love.
It shames me to say how much I’ve felt I had to give up for God. I want to choose the ways I want to serve Him. I draw a line across my life so He knows what He can give and take away and what He best stay away from. I’ve wanted His help in the ways I’d like life to go. All too easily my relationship with Him has been about me…
I fail to appreciate God's deliverance because I don't always see it. Sometimes it's not there because I don't allow Him to deliver me. I want God to fix the problem but it’s not the problem I thought it to be. My biggest problem is what it reveals inside of me.
As we made the long trek home I thought of how God’s delivered me in so many ways I wasn’t aware I needed to be. In Romans we’re promised God works for our good, and I know He does. It’s no longer something I cling to and hope in, but experienced. We are never the same after we encounter God.
I’ll leave life and Meg in God’s hands knowing He’s not frustrated. I'm grateful God delivers us in our deepest needs. We don't have to be delivered from our problems to know He is God and to love Him in the midst of our own crazy messed up story. One that would be so senseless apart from Him but in Him makes perfect sense, at least to Him.