The last several days Meg's attempts to be strong and not cry, were unsuccessful. She sat at the table asking me to help take the pounding in her head away. When her complaints began including her eyes hurting I knew it was time to take her in.
The Dr at Children's thought her pressure was considerably high but her optic nerve still looked good. Huge relief. The CT results came back and it was then we heard the trapped fluid that had disappeared may be returning. Since one side of her face was numb and more slack than the other she had an EEG this afternoon. We wait to learn further results and see if plans change.
As the weariness from being up much of the night and the back and forth trips to Omaha set in, discouragement failed to keep it's distance. The more things Meg had to go through and endless times I heard her head hurt, the more I didn't really care if I was discouraged. In fact, it was completely understandable and warranted.
Jesus said "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field."
I knew in my heart, the discouragement isn't about seeing what God's doing or how he's working...it's the value I place on it. I was valuing how I wanted things to go more than I was God's will. Being more concerned about my way, didn't make me feel better. It made me feel way worse.
There is no winning battle when I don't start and end with Jesus. I will always be disappointed and discouraged when I value anything else over Him.
I knew I was choosing between yielding to God's will or sulking for not getting my way.
The bait of discouragement is hard to overlook. Especially when I start thinking of what there could be and compare it to what is. As I watched Meg sleep feeling the impact of the last several days, I know the only way I can help her is to show her what's greater. For her to see the treasure isn't life going the way we'd plan. It's yielding to the treasure we see far more precious and would do anything to have, knowing there is nothing too much for Him to ask.