after surgery
after surgery 2

My heart locked in my chest seeing my baby and the scared look in her eyes waking up from surgery. Her frantic looks calmed, as she focused on me, and heard me say her name. It was a moment I could have slumped to the floor and cried for how hard life can be.

But there would be no slumping, and certainly no crying. My baby girl looked to me for comfort, to know everything was alright, and I asked God to banish my fear and make it so.

I told her she was beautiful, and she looked adorable in her little Eskimo hat. I told her she was doing great, how proud I was of her, and how strong she is. I told her what she needed to know...in case she didn't know what to think.

She couldn't take my hand. Her arms and legs weren't working right. She thought she was moving them, when they weren't moving at all. She was sent to get a CT scan and as I stood there beside her, I slipped my hand under hers and told her, "I love you baby girl." Her gaze was lost somewhere I didn't know. She was in her own little world not responding...and then I felt the little squeezes.

Three squeezes, it's short family code for, "I love you." It's been our code for years, even now when Evan pulls his sunglasses down, proclaiming he will pretend to be blind and needing led, if I insist on holding his hand.

I wondered if I felt what I felt. Maybe it was muscle spams... So I tested her, whispering, " I love you" above the whirl of the machine. Three hard squeezes back, told me all I needed to know.

There's been tears, whines, whimpers, and pain. I told Meg tonight, God has a great big plan for all of this. Her smile shown through her tired, swollen face. "Great big plans, mama." I hugged her and told her what I have come to know: even when life's hard, being where God's called us to be, is the best place there is.

Meg is now out of ICU. She stood and walked down the hall with some help tonight. Her speech has already improved. We are looking forward to a better day tomorrow!

You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail.     Proverbs 19:21